I began my journey with the Tarot over 30 years ago. It was never my intention to learn to master the Tarot cards with the aim of doing it professionally.
In fact, my relationship with the Tarot was an unexpected 12-Step program, so to speak!
A five-year relationship, that had been fueled with much passion, but was unstable from the start, had come to an end. I found that I no longer could run from my true authentic self.
I came face-to-face with “The Tower”. Yes, a violent revolution and overthrow of false consciousness were taking place in my life. The destruction of the old order was happening on a grand scale.!
I now know that this transformation was triggered by repressed emotions, frustration, and a lack of opportunity to reflect. At the time the sudden change of ideas, values, and beliefs was extremely painful as a mental transition. The sudden conversion was not on my “to do list”, but it would bring enlightenment that allowed for me to rebuild a foundation that freed me from a false ego, and the distorted view of myself.
My newfound relationship with the Tarot cards and the state of my mental and emotional self was unlike anything I had experienced before. It was short of crazy.
The Aquarian Tarot deck was given to me, and I really did not know what need I had for such. I initially had no interest in learning the meanings of 78 cards. I was unaware of the intensity of the upheaval that was taking place in my life at that time.
Now and then I would pick up the deck and look through all the cards. Next, I found myself sketching what I saw when looking at a certain card. I was finding myself connected to symbols and colors, and creating through my drawings heartfelt and even painful expressions of what I was sorting out it was truly amazing.
I then found myself reading for as much as five hours a day in the library, seeking what I did not know at that time, and all along knowing that I was really finding what I needed. I regarded this process as similar to any 12-step program. It was not perfect, but so what, I was on my way.
I had another challenge to contend with, I finally overcame my fear and shame regarding my psychokinetic ability. Psychokinesis is often an unconscious and involuntary ability to cause objects to move, or affecting property. I contacted UCLA Parapsychology Department for help. They were known for their *research into Psychokinesis, and I proceeded to take part in various studies. It was a liberating experience.
At that time I also realized that the Tarot cards were not for me to interpret as defined in books, but rather to see, to look beyond with patience, and then to draw what I felt, experienced, and heard in the voice of silence. To this day I have hundreds of my Tarot interpretation drawings from that time.
The tarot is a symbolic record of human experience. I encourage others, who desire to study the Tarot, to push aside the books and connect with their true authentic self. Draw what you see and feel and perhaps come to know that our personal powers are a direct result of all the struggles expressed in the Tarot.
